Captain Plunderfucker. (ogremarco) wrote in phw,
Captain Plunderfucker.


Alright then, here we go.

Traffic sucks and I nearly miss all of Demonis Exile's short set. I stand and think that if it hadn't been for that annoying chick on her cell phone I'd be into a second beer by now. It looks like a lot of people are filing in about now to. Maybe they didn't want to see the band, or maybe they were stuck in traffic too. I'm not sure, but at least a few look disappointed as Vampire thanks us and they exit the stage.

We're asked to find our seat and I buy a hot dog and a beer. I nearly trip over some guy's legs when the lights go out. (Hey, man, if you're reading this, sorry). The screen comes up and it's flames on black again, this time with the words "All hell will break lose. He is coming." Ok, I'm intrigued.

First match of the night is Domino vs. Keith Risk. Keith hits the ring first, then Domino stalks down to the ring looking seven different kinds of pissed off. He proceeds to dismantle Keith Risk... hard. Domino unveils a new level of brutality on the poor kid. He especially concentrates on Risk's right arm and continues to do so even after the ref calls the match because Risk is out cold. Domino finishes his classless temper tantrum by racking Risk's shoulder against the ringpost not once, not twice, but three times. Ok, we get it. No more mr. nice guy. What a jerk.

Next up is Xaviera Renner and Sascha Payne. We get a welcome back chant for each, and I swear they have the best ring entrance songs in the whole deal. Chaos A.D. by Sepultura and All I Had I Gave by Crowbar respectively.

This is a classic athleticism vs. power match with Renner pulling an alarming array of offense out of her bag of tricks and Payne absorbing it all and delivering raw power back in it's stead. We are treated to a corkscrew springboard dropkick from Renner followed by an attempted tilt-a-whirl reversed into a backbreaker by Payne. There's some really awesome stop-drop-and-roll ropework and a series of escalating powerbombs delivered by Payne followed by a kickout by Renner that actually surprises us! Renner rolls out of the ring to try to gain some air and distance and Payne follows her out. Payne goes to whip her into the guardrail and Renner reverses it. Renner goes back into the ring to break the count and then, HOLY SHIT, makes a suicide dive over the ropes to crash into Payne. Both women crash to the floor and we are on our feet hollering that fecal chant at the top of our lungs.

I truly don't know if either one can get back to her feet, and the EMT is hovering really close by, like me, trying to tell if someone is truly badly injured and requires assistance.

Payne is up. Payne is up! She pulls Renner to her feet and rolls her into the ring. She crawls in slowly and staggers to her feet. She takes a bounce off the ropes and takes two steps and drops a falling headbutt... but Renner isn't there! She rolled out. She on her feet and crouching low, waiting for Payne to struggle up. Payne is up, doesn't see her, there she does. Oh my god! Renner locks on the Angolan crab from the frankensteiner and we have a winner by tap out at 13:42.

Dianne O'Connor lifts Renner's arm for the win and Renner helps Payne to her feet and raises her arm too. Both women take a bow and leave the ring smiling, but clasping various injuries. How do you follow that? How DO you follow that?

Vampire makes his way to the ring accompanied by Zombie Girl. His opponent is Rick Witt who comes down with Turk 187.

All four are in the ring giving each other the long hard stare for a moment and… ohhhh, there it goes! We have a big old brawl going down here. There’s chaos in the ring and referee Bob Kowalic slides out in a blinding flash of self-preservation. Turk pulls the ropes and sends Zombie Girl sprawling to the outside and then he and Witt turn their attentions to Vampire. Down goes Vampire to a chop block and shoulder tackle, and now the beat down begins.

I catch people looking at the entrance and turn in time to see the other members of Demonis Exile come charging down to the ring and invade it. They scrap with Turk and Witt and, let’s face it, are getting the hell beat out of them, but Zombie Girl is back up and in the ring. Vampire is up too. Turk takes a facefull of dropkick from Vampire, and Witt turn around right into an old fashioned face-claw from Zombie Girl. She grabs the back of his head and… wow! Picks him right up and drops him like a choke slam. Rick Witt is not a small man, guys. That was an impressive display of strength by the 7 foot monster. Various band members get their kicks in and then lift Turk 187 to his feet. Vampire signals for a microphone.

Vampire gets really close to Turk 187’s face and says “He is coming” and then points to the screen which flickers to life. [by the way, we could see the screen with the lights on this week. Good work, guys.]

We see Baz Thunder strapped to a chair not even struggling. He just looks defeated. He has a sign around his neck written in what looks to be blood that says “Who is coming? Your worst nightmare”

The camera pans over to a figure in a black hoodie with the hood pulled low over his face. We can’t see who he is because of the shadows, but I have a very good guess.

“Figured it out yet, Turk?” He throws the hood back and rushes the camera. It’s Wizard. The crowd goes nuts.

“I’m baaaaack.” Wizard gives that evil clown from your nightmares grin and then directs the camera back to Thunder. Wizard continues speaking. “I caught one of your flies in my web, I’m taking the other tonight. I’m going to leave you friendless and alone, and then I’m going to end you. Do you hear me, Turk? I AM COMING!”

The screen goes blank. Turk has a look of abject terror on his face. He struggles against the band members holding him.

Vampire turns his head slowly back to Turk, makes a death-mask grin and then spits blood in his eyes. He and his band mates beat Turk to the mat and then pound him down some more for good measure.

Zombie Girl rolls out of the ring and the drummer rolls Rick Witt under the ropes to her. She shoulder carries him out of the venue with the rest of them following.

I don’t know about you, guys, but the thought of all those insane freaks together as a faction is giving me the creeps.
  • Post a new comment


    default userpic
    When you submit the form an invisible reCAPTCHA check will be performed.
    You must follow the Privacy Policy and Google Terms of use.