Captain Plunderfucker. (ogremarco) wrote in phw,
Captain Plunderfucker.


RingKing here, and what a show we had last Wednesday. I'm gonna burn through this quick, so pay attention.

First off we get a slightly ho-hum hardcore match between Wrecker and Turk 187. Yeah, it's great to see Wrecker and all, and the intensity of who-can-hit-who-with-what is fun, but the match has no heat and not a lot of wrestling at all. Maybe it's just me, but a garbage match with no heat isn't much fun to watch. Turk 187 gets the three count at 8:53 after flattening Wrecker with a stop sign.

Next up is Mike Corea (can we say push, kids?) vs Combat Chris Walker. This is a great match. I watch Walker dominate time and again only to have Corea pull some amazing save or reversal out of his ass to stop the three. When's the last time you saw a twist ankle lock applied from the floor and rolled up into a very William Regal style chin clasp? Very nice. In the end, however, experince and general meanness pays off and the kid can't hold up to the brutal punishment delivered by Combat. Lock'n'load gets the job done with a one, two, three at 10:18. Nice to see Walker getting the kid over some. I like it when the big guys come down out of the high card to work with the kids.

We get a tag team bout next and it's the Pizza Guys vs Punk and Disorderly. Now, these guys had some killer brawls before all the bullshit, so I'm expecting first rate heat, but I'm a little disapointed here. No trash talk or plot work, just entrances and they get to slobberknockin'.

Ok, the heat thing aside, did I mention the slobberknocking? Holy crap! Mad Margeret and Robbie are in first and don't seem to be able to get enough of the other guys fist in their faces. it's like they're enjoying it. Robbie throws off a brilliant sitdown powerbomb and I swear I hear the wind leave Margeret's lungs even over the shouting.

Some tag back and forth between Robbie and Big Gar keeping Margeret away from his corner as Burnout looks Unimpressed? He actually yawns. This is funny. It just makes the PGs work Margeret all the harder. Margeret finally does the slippery fish and makes the slow crawl to his corner where Burnout pretends not to notice!?!?

What the fuck is going on here? The PGs drag Margeret back and work him over a little, no wait, a lot more. At one point they actually toss him into his corner and Burnout turns around and asks someone to get him a hot dog.

More beat down and finally Margeret is down for One, two... here comes Burnout with the save. I was really thinking that he was gonna let them have the win as well as trash his partner.

Burnout goes knucklecrazy all over Robbie and Gar and then tosses Margeret into the corner, steps out, tags him and comes back in. It's pretty much still two against one, though, because Mad Margeret is a heap on the apron.

It looks like the PGs have it wrapped up, but Burnout throws a blatant low blow that gets the PGs the win, but maybe at the cost of Robbie's future family life. The PGs leave the ring yelling about what a couple of freak-ass motherfuckers P&D are.

Burnout gets up, dust himself off and grabs a mic. "Margeret, you asshole, maybe this will teach you to ask before you borrow my boots." All that over some boots? Crazy fuckers.

Finally we get a main event consisting of Russel Velvet and Domino. Are we finally gonna see some laft over heat? You bet. Domino comes out. Takes the mic and proceeds to call Russel a loser and a piece of shit. He says that if he has any sense at all He'll leave the arena and save himself a career ending beat down.

Does Russel take his advice? Oh hell no. He comes to the ring with full entourage and music. The Pizza Guys are there with Robbie still looking a little pained. Also along are 12, count 'em, one dozen fine ladies! Crowd goes Winston Wolf and Russel takes a mic. "You ain't got the sense god gave a mule, boy. The Ladie's Man has got to teach you a lesson, yeah. You, fine ladies, you hang out here for just a second. The Ladie's man has some business to take care of."

With that it's on. Russel Velvet is in fine form and Domino is at his dirtiest. Some great moves come crashing along as this turns into a spotfest. The big highlight is Russel doing a fireman's carry takeover that leaves Domino on the tree of woe. That's new and clever.

Domino does a twisting elbow splash of the middle of the top rope. Russel lands a picture perfect moonsault. Domino gets off a death valley driver. Russel tosses Domino into the ropes and catches him in a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker. I could go on and on. Like I said, spotfest.

Finally Russel sets Domino up for the don't call here, but Domino shrugs him off and tries for the Jersey Turnpike. Russel pulls out of that one, but Domino catches him with a eye poke when the ref can't see. Domino send him into the ropes and rolls him up and uses the ropes for leverage. The ref counts to three and never sees the cheat.

Domino tears out of the ring as Robbie and Gar scramble after him and runs out of the ring like his ass is on fire.

Russel takes the mic. "Hey, Domino, if you gotta cheat to win then the Ladie's Man has to ask 'who's the loser? yeah. You ain't worth the paper you're printed on, yeah, and that's a fact, Jack. Come on, people, that don't mean nothin' we gots some good times to have." And with that Velvet and entourage leave like they he was the winner afterall. Music and all. Gotta love the Ladie's Man, yeah.
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