"Vampire, you think you can get away with spitting in my eye? You got another thing coming, motherfucker. You and that big freak bitch of yours are gonna pay, and pay big. Don't think I'm alone in this either." Rick Witt steps up beside him. "We're coming for you, freaks, and we're coming heavy."
The screen goes out and the lights come up. Dan Brust, the new announcer, welcomes us and gives us the "no smoking, concessions in the back, and meet and greet after the show" spiel, and then introduces Jimmy and Mikey Shenanigan as accompanied by their sister Dana with her lunchbox. They vault the ropes and she does her little catwalk strut for us.
Their opponents are Robbie and Big Gar, the Pizza Guys, who I notice are sporting new ring outfits. They don't work for that certain pizza chain anymore, so they have new green polo shirts with their own self designed pizza guy logos on the breast and their names and bigger versions of the logos on the back. They still wear the khakis and white tennis shoes though. Keepin' it real Pizza Guy style, I guess.
Robbie take the mic. "Hey before we get started I just wanted to ask..." he points to Dana "...didn't I get a lap dance from you last night?"
Mikey and Jimmy charge in hard and Robbie takes a double clothesline. Big Gar leaps in with a flying elbow to the top of Mikey's head and the brawl is on. The ref tries to get some control, but gets bumped to the corner and looks out of it. Remember, folks, wrestlers are made of steel and refs are made of paper.
It's not even close to started though, because here come Punk and Disorderly from the back to get in on the action as well. The two teams gang up on the Shenanigan Brothers, but Mad Margeret gets distracted by Dana giving him the eye from the apron. She makes some really obvious winks and come hithers and he wanders over to... get smashed in the head with a lunchbox. Oh, Mags, will you ever learn?
Dave wilder comes out and stands on the entrance ramp. "Hey. Hey. HEY! God dammit, knock it off for half a second!" The wrestlers separate reluctantly and turn their attention to Dave.
"You guys want to fight it out? You want to turn my show into a three way brawl? Well that's just great, but how about I impose some order and rules to it? Last time I looked in the mirror I still saw the owner of this promotion, so I get to do that. I get to make rules. You want a three way fight? Well, you don't get it. You get a four way fight. It's time to figure out who gets the belts anyway. Pick your corners, gentlemen. Oh, and this is elimination style, so be prepared for the long haul."
With that Kieth Risk and Toehold nelson come out and pick a corner too.
The announcer helps Referee Bob Kowalic to his feet and announces the match.
The whole play by play would take forever here, but here are some highlights. Toehold Nelson almost gets a submission by Boston crab early on, but gets a face full of boot from Jimmy Shenanigan. Big gar wipes out every man in the competition in a frenzy of activity and makes the first elimination at 6:23 with a sit down powerbomb on Kieth Risk.
Dana takes a fall from the ring apron while attempting to bonk Robbie Kawanoha over the head with her lunchbox when Mikey hits him into her. Mikey leans over the ropes to ask jimmy if she's ok, and they start arguing with Jimmy yelling that "Mom will kill us if she's hurt." Mad Margeret comes over to check on her as well and Jimmy goes after him. Robbie takes advantage of the distraction, smashes Mikey to the ground, tags in Big Gar, who climbs the turnbuckle, gets airborne, comes down in the "extra toppings" splash and gets the pin at 10:02.
Big Gar squares of with Burnout who gets the upper hand with a thumb to the eye while the ref is on the other side of him so he can't see, and proceeds to beat him down and rub his boot laces across that eye every chance he gets. He puts the toe of his boot in his eye at one point and stands up on it and Robbie can stand no more. He rushes in and the ref stops him. Margeret slips in and they send him into the ropes and clothesline him to the mat. Burnout picks him up and holds his face across his bent knee as Mags climbs the ropes. Mags is gonna go up for what they call the "flying curb" but out of nowhere comes Dana and that damn lunchbox to crack Mags in the spine. Big Gar shrugs out of Burnout's grip, and makes a diving tag to Robbie, who's now back in his corner and Robbie steams in and pounds Burnout to the corner. He returns to his own corner, hollers out "Special Delivery, and charges into the corner to smash into Burnout and then stand aside as he flops down out of it. Robbie climbs the turnbuckle, asai moonsault, one, two three, and that's all she wrote.
Pizza Guys are the new tag team champions at 18:43.
We get a dark house and a lit screen again and Some ominous music plays over a back ground of red flames. An electronically deepened voice says "He's coming." and then it goes out. Who's coming? I have my guesses.
Mike Corea comes down without music and loosens up in the ring. He's scheduled to face a mystery competitor. The story behind that? They weren't sure the mystery competitor could actually make it when they released the bill, so they hedged their bets. If they guy couldn't make it, they'd have used Chris Walker, even with the sprained ankle.
However Mr. Mystery could make it indeed. "Superman" by Three Doors Down plays and Hiro Mifune makes his way to the ring. Man that was a hard secret to keep from people, but the surprise was worth it. The crowd is super pumped and he gets an extra long "welcome back" chant.
Hiro and Mike shake hands, then lock up, and proceed to have an excellent match. The work artfully from set-spot-reversal that flows into a series of submission holds and reversals to other holds, and into pin-reversal-pin. It's all really seamless. Maybe a few people in the crowd are bored but I'm super impressed. They flow from that into some higher energy ropework and punchy kicky stuff including an amazing inziguri from Mifune and a flipping axe kick from Corea that leaves me wondering how Mifune's collar bone is still intact.
Mifune is a firm believer in the school of "save the best for last" and the series of high spots at the end of this match are death defying. We see a springboard moonsault by Mifune, a top rope guillotine from Corea, a senton splash from the apron and over the ropes from Mifune, a flying scissor kick springing from the turnbuckle ropes from Corea, and then Mifune puts it away with a corkscrew superplex that made me stand up and scream "Holy shit!" at the top of my lungs. One, two, three, and Mifune wins at 23:11 after a long and intense matchup. He and Corea get a standing ovation and another "welcome back" chant.
Domino (remember this guy?) comes down to the ring, he's without the Paisans though, just him, that ugly Hawaiian shirt, and that greased back hair. He lounges in the corner waiting for his opponent.
His opponent happens to be Russel Velvet, music, cognac, fine ladies, and all. Pizza Guys too. They all have drinks and Russels gets on the mic and says, "Um yeeaaaah. We kinda busy celebratin' 'bout the tag team belts and all, yeah. So the ladies man find it, um, an imposition that he has to get up in this here ring with you. Be cool darlins, the ladies man won't be but just a minute. Mm hmm.
Domino is livid in the ring. He and Russel have never gotten along, and he's not one to take being dismissed lightly.
Russel gets up on the apron and Domino charges him. Russels falls sideways and pulls the ropes and Domino spills out to the floor. Robbie and Big Gar toss him back into the ring where Russel lifts him, tosses him over with a simple body slam, does some disco moves and puts a leg drop down. He steps back to the corner and makes the "get up motion" and Domino staggers to his feet. He turns and sees Russel Velvet crouched and ready and charges him, russel wraps him up in a headlock and then goes up the ropes with his feet for the "Don't Call Here" and drops him, gets three and rolls out of the ring.
He takes the stick again. "See, now that didn't take any time at all, yeah. See it all works together, um yeah. I can't help it if I'm great, and you, yeah, can't help it if you're, um, stupid. Come on, people, let's go, um yeah, let's go party." And with that they exit, leaving a fuming mad Domino in the ring.
Lights go out again. It seems like it's a dramatic effect, but it's really because they're having trouble with the lights interfering with the screen. They say they should have it taken care of next week.
Anyway, lights go down, and there's Vampire on the screen with Zombie Girl behind him. He just stares at the camera. He holds up a promo picture of Baz Thunder and then a lighter and sets it on fire. "Your friend won't be coming after all, Turk." He says, and drops the burning picture. "We got to him first." It fades out and the house lights come on.
The meet and greet after the show is fun. Domino, The Pizza Guys, Punk and Disorderly, Keith Risk, Toehold Nelson, The Shenanigans, Russel Velvet, Domino, Mike Corea, Hiro Mifune, are all there along with Dave Wilder, Chris Walker, Dan Brust, and referees Owen Sweda, Dianne O'Connor, and Bob Kowalic. Actually I catch Ann Storm and Garrett Jessup lurking around too. They're still married and Ann wants to get back in the ring, she says she's trying to convince Garrett, but he's being a "pussy" about going to the gym. Sorry, Garrett, she made me promise to put it in here.
Dave and I went and had some drinks with Hiro and Chris Walker after the show. I did an impromptu interview with them which i'll post soon.
That's all for now. RingKing out.