Captain Plunderfucker. (ogremarco) wrote in phw,
Captain Plunderfucker.
ogremarco
phw

AFTER FAR TOO LONG PHW RETURNS.

After mishaps, false starts, and just plain bad business PHW is back.

RingKing here, and I am proud to say that "It's Not a Reunion, It's a Restart" was a crashing success.

The new venue is a bit crude but, actually, that makes it cooler than the old meeting hall. There's something about watching a show in a warehouse, a certain ambiance I guess.

I talked to Dave Wilder for a few minutes before the show.

Dave informed me that "there are no contracts yet. Folks are working for the door. We all want to get the gang back together, but until it looks like this will fly no one is making any promises."

I have to admit that while Wilder seemed hopeful that the night would generate enough revenue to let him afford to let him reform the promotion, he also seemed pretty gun shy about the whole deal.

"I love PHW, and I want it to go again, but you guys have to understand this has nearly cost me my marriage. You can only make mistakes with your spouse's money for so long before you start feeling guilty and she starts feeling resentful. I'm just glad she's as willing to put up with my obsession as she is. Just no one ask me anything about television this time and I won't lose my mind, ok?"

With that in mind I took my seat and hoped for the best.

The first match of the night was a pair of newcomers. Keith Risk vs. Toehold Nelson. Keith Risk is a little flat and has no ring presence, but he sells well and made blundering into Toehold Nelson's catches and holds look really convincing. Toehold Nelson on the other hand is really interesting for a newcomer, and once he got over what looked to be a little stagefright he did a great job. His gimmick is a repertoire of classic wrestling holds. The only punchkick in the whole match was from Keith Risk and it was all setup for Nelson. I won't go play by play, but we saw a camel clutch, both half and full nelsons, a rolling toehold, a spinning toehold, a single leg crab, and a somewhat stunning variety of arm and shoulder holds. He finished a rolling legscissors into the pin from an Irish whip. Maybe some in the crowd didn't get it, but I was impressed. So the match was a little slow, and so some of the spots were clunky, I saw what they were going for and I liked it. I hope that Nelson gets the chance to refine himself.

Tag team insanity was the next course of fare and what the first match lacked in intensity this match made up for. The Shenanigan Brothers came down first and we were on our feet to welcome them back. Ok, actually we were on our feet to have a good look at their valet. I tell ya, there's nothing like a stacked up redhead in a skimpy Catholic schoolgirl outfit to get a crowd of dorks to crane our necks.

Jimmy and Mikey introduced her as their sister, Dana. She half strutted/half skipped around the ring to say hello. The lunchbox was a nice touch to her outfit.

Punk and Disorderly made their way out and climbed into the ring. Mad Margeret kept looking over at Dana and Mikey stated shoving him yelling "Are you looking at our sister?" loud enough we could all hear. That was all it took. The brawl started there and it was just happenstance that left Mikey and Margeret in the ring so referee Diane O'connor could call for the starting bell.

It actually didn't last too long. Jimmy Shenanigan and Burnout were busy scrapping into the crowd and Mad Margeret and Mikey went back and forth a few times and then Margeret hit a powerbomb and went to the turnbuckle and started to climb obviously intending to deliver some high altitude damage. He never got there. Dana crowned him with her lunchbox and sent him sprawling onto the mat. Mikey made a weak cover, but that was all it took and the three count was made. I knew that lunchbox was important.

I went and bought a soda and nearly tripped and broke my neck when the lights went out. Normally when the lights go out at a wrestling show it means something cool is gonna happen, so I groped my way quickly to my seat hoping it wasn't actually just an tripped circuit breaker.

Slayer's Live Undead came over the speakers and the crowd went fucking apeshit. The lights went on and Vampire and Zombie Girl were both in the ring. I really thought I'd never see them back. Dave Wilder is the Man! They did the devil horns pose to the four directions and then turned to look at the entrance. The music faded out.

So there I sat wondering who could possibly be cool enough to follow that intro when Hatebreed came over the system. Turk 187 came out looking absolutely huge. I was not the only person chanting "welcome back, welcome back" at that moment.

Turk and Vampire took a good hard stare at each other across the ring and then locked up hard. For the first few minutes Turk dominated with his combination of size, strength, and generally bad temper, but never count Vampire out. Turk started to get messy, jawjacking and stomping around in his little tantrums when he should have been going for three counts and Vampire seized the initiative and went through a blistering series of high spots.

Turk caught him off the ropes, though, and set him up for the Turkish drop, but Vampire reversed into a DDT. Could Vampire have made a clean win? Could Turk have? Is clean win even an option for these guys? Zombie Girl got up on the apron and distracted the ref and Vampire spit "blood" in Turk's eyes, hit him with a swinging neckbreaker and then finished him with the Liber Mortis from the top turnbuckle. One, Two, Three! and it was all she wrote. Looks like Turk 187 needs some toadies like before.

Well, I was certainly entertained, and from the amount of beer and popcorn I was showered with the people around me were too.

Hopefully there'll be another show soon.
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